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OMFG YAYYYY!!!! [27 Jul 2008|11:22pm]
[ mood | content ]

So I saw that guy and um I decided to text him hi, he was a bit upset.....because I didn't wave hi at him....ok yea that was weird but still he's not akward about me and that makes me happy woot!!!

4 comments|Kiss me Love

Secrets in the Heart Reveal [25 Jul 2008|11:31pm]
[ mood | nervous ]

So I told the guy I like how I feel about a week or two ago. He was surprised...I think. But I told him no matter who he choosed to be with as long as he's happy. Not with that girlfriend who cheats on him and he's about to go off for months to camp knowing that. Well we kissed but then he backed off and I haven't talk to him since, giving it space. Though I feel stupid now for telling him something.....I really don't want to think about this.

2 comments|Kiss me Love

Stress/ Piss [09 Jul 2008|08:44pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]

My brother is better and back to work, however I have a bit of a bone to pick with him and it has nothing to do about the other night.

I lent him my laptop for weeks because I work a whole bunch, early and late. He wasn't able to sit at the house computer, so my mother asked me or rather told me to let him be on my laptop so he can talk to his friends and all.

Well I have my paypal account, me and my sister have one and the boys usually ask if they can purchase something online. Well my brother and his friend and this snotty girlfriend (don't know who she's girlfriend to)decided it was a hoot to subscribe to a site under my paypal (only 4 dollars I don't care about that) and used my name and the pictures in my laptop. Caused god knows what, I found out because when I was using paypal to purchase something and I saw that recent activity. Well what ever they did, they got banned from that site so my pictures are stuck on there. And those people seems to be hard to contact to take them off.

My brother got in real trouble for it. No electronics, phone or internet possibly for the rest of his life. Still I'm mad that he did that because it's not like him.

Kiss me Love

Smells Like Wet Metal [01 Jul 2008|12:06am]
[ mood | nauseated ]

I'm shaking bad...I never thought I had to experience something like this, nor would I ever want my little brother to either. It's happened before no biggy, my youngest brother got his tonsils out. He bleeded out but was ok the next day....

But tonight was different, it was like a murder in the bathroom he kept bleeding, my mom called the doctor...the doctor took long next thing I know I hear a thump my brother passed out. I started yelling out get him up, GET HIM UP because first aid tells you if you are really bleeding you have to hold it up above the heart and he was lying down. Plus possibly choking on his own blood. I was composed but it was awful to see his eyes rolled back as he went into shock from most likely being scared that the bleeding wasn't stopping. 911 came set him up and took him, just me and my other brother.

At first I couldn't clean the blood, working at a nursing home I have come to hate the smell of blood, and this was a whole lot compared to what I've cleaned at work. Then I was scrubbing and getting teary it's like smelling wet metal.. I don't mean to gross anyone out but I just don't know what to do except wait because I know he's scared. I babysat that kid when he was little. Right now my head hurts and I can't tell if it's because I clenched from being upset or the chemicals I used to clean up. I just wish Alex would call me back...I just need to be calm..

2 comments|Kiss me Love

Work work [03 Jun 2008|12:48am]
[ mood | aggravated ]

That's all I do is work and yes I know it will pay off in the end but...pft I'm not even 24 or near my mid 20's yet. (ack I'm old) problems left and right. I need fun time but I'm always tired bah.

At work I gonna have to work through my birthday because people are leaving and getting sick T_T also the trip to Houston...dunno if I'm going, let the citizens of Houston get terrorized by my mom and I'll stay here and get an actual vacation from that woman.

She slammed the door on my hand while acting childish about me missing my brother's graduation from King. I had to go in to work they needed me, of course family is first but I need the money to save up. She is really reminding me of my ex's mom. Sucking the life and money out of me. And about missing the graduation, I did not see her once yell at my sister who went to sleep rather than go. I keep thinking she's resentful of me getting through life without slip ups like she did (just out of HS 18 and preg with my sister) I'm about to be a 24 year old woman with 2 degrees, just having the one is a step up. Getting a year ready to head off for a Masters degree. Not pregnant *knock on wood* Not screwing up in anyway except when it happens to involve her. Why the claws in me? Go look after the young one he's pretty much getting away with murder if he hasn't done that yet.

I didn't mean to rant today but I just feel the need to say all of this out loud since I'm very afraid of what she might do to me if I call her on it. Afraid of what your mom could be capable of doing to you...that's embarrassing. I just get this feeling she wants to keep me down here and fail and what I do.

Kiss me Love

I fell in love...and I didn't even know [27 May 2008|10:52pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

I came to this thought or conclusion that I fell for someone that I shouldn't have and I didn't know I did. He's not in theatre. I met him out of school, out of circle of friends. I think I thought of him more than I ever did for Alex. And it might have been because the guy was here, and Alex wasn't. Also it wasn't that I did not love Alex, I did but when you are in front of someone it can be a bit stronger. Plus all the troubles I had with him didn't help it any better. My train of thought always messes up around him. We argue and fight because we want to and it's never serious it's just us picking on eachother about our character. He makes fun of me because I'm a theatre student. I make fun of his hick ways.

I feel powerless half the time, I've denied and fought it for awhile, and came on several close calls. I worry if he's hurt, that he can sometimes think less of himself even though he has a big ego. That something is going wrong for him. I'll stop myself and then 2-3 am and I get a text message being invited to a party on the weekend (though I think the last time he was drunk cause half the text was mis-spelled). I respond and get no response. People have already interfered and it turned out horrible. I could tell him how I feel but he'll show that "I don't care" side. I'm tired of being part of these stupid situations with guys. He lives with someone that makes it seem he's not happy with.

I'm tired of being hurt all the time, it's not easy because I don't love myself enough, I'm not that great as others, I'm not gonna sit here and break down what I think is wrong with me and why no one can be happy with it. But I'm trying hard because this boy has messed me up bad. I'm not sure if my feelings are worth it anymore. I just have to tell myself that I need to live one more year then I can leave here and not look back. a new life, my life, the life I really need and want.

Kiss me Love

May so far [23 May 2008|04:10pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Classes have finished woot. Streetcar Named Desire wrapped up good with a few police calls (performers doing their job right). Went to the theatre Midsummer party, got an award for best run-crew student. Well that's good because I was running around back there. Got my scholarship for Theatre !!!! Went to the Bonfire with friends.

Production lab1, Costume construction, Script analysis, and history of theatre2- A

Lighting design, theatre jazz- B

Spanish2- C

I did better than I thought woot!

So now just work, and I got one more year till I graduate.

Kiss me Love

Why? [05 Apr 2008|07:15pm]
[ mood | shocked ]

Oh why did they decided to make a Dragonball movie?....why?

Kiss me Love

yea it's been awhile again [19 Mar 2008|11:43am]
[ mood | stressed ]

Yea I know I haven't kept up in here, and usually this is the only place I can write out loud. This Semester and new year has been a rocky one. Let's see I haven't written since November. December was ok stopped talking to Abby my co-worker cause she was saying bad things.

Early to Mid-January was the start of me being single. Yea so it's really a for sure split from Alex. I really wasn't happy with how he would be with me. But of course the insults kept coming after the break-up. He finally stopped texting me and trying to be my friend. For someone who tried to be a friend, he said the most shitty things. I miss what I had of course four years is a long time. But I need to protect myself, and be happy and not having to battle all the time.

As for school.........I'm really burnt out, I can't even get motivated to write papers that need to be done. I don't like TAMUCC that much, I feel very out of place. Always tired that's me. Who wants to write a spanish paper in spanish, 3-5 paper analysis on a play, 10 page term paper on a person famous in the theatre. I need to try to make it out of here.

4 comments|Kiss me Love

First Final!!! [28 Nov 2007|09:36pm]
[ mood | nervous ]

Thursday , Tomorrow is my final for dance...yea not many of you know I took up dancing I like it. Well tomorrow is the big demo at the black box theatre at TAMUCC, I'm realllly nervous, I got my black pants, my magenta and black top and my pinkish/red with still my dark hair but short. I just don't want to dislocate my thumb again on those stupid floor stuff. With my peers watching. ^_^;;;; So if you can't make it or don't like that kind of thing just wish me luck and hope to get a good grade, even though I've taken this class before, it's the first time performing for it.

Kiss me Love

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